Many people perceive unhappy relationships as inevitable, considering them normal. You may be more afraid of other things, such as loneliness, societal opinions, lack of prospects, and the amount of resources you’ve invested. That’s why you’ll cling to relationships that bring you nothing but pain and discomfort, justifying your actions with these false beliefs.
1.”Everyone Lives Like This.”
We all tend to compare our relationships with those of our relatives, friends, and acquaintances in one way or another. You may think that everyone around you experiences the same problems that exist in your relationship. However, it’s important to remind yourself that every relationship is unique, as they depend on two individuals with a vast array of knowledge, skills, life experiences, and different personalities and outlooks. What may seem normal to one person may be completely unacceptable to another. So, avoid comparing your relationship to anyone else’s. If you constantly feel unhappy with your partner, and, no matter how hard you try, the situation doesn’t change, make a choice in favor of yourself.
2.”Relationships Are Hard.”
Of course, any relationship requires both partners to be willing to invest effort and time, seek compromises, and solve problems together. But this doesn’t mean that you should always feel bad and hurt. Healthy relationships are built on mutual support, trust, and understanding. This makes it much easier for you to navigate through difficult periods while still maintaining love and respect. However, if your relationships only bring you exhaustion and negative emotions, perhaps it would be easier for you to move forward separately.
3.”Better to Be in Unhappy Relationships Than to Be Alone.”
The first thing you should consider is why you believe that loneliness is worse than the absence of reciprocity, constant arguments, and misunderstandings. It’s possible to live a fulfilling and happy life while being alone. The fear of loneliness might compel you to tolerate discomfort and endure disrespectful behavior from your partner. However, even in such relationships, you might still feel lonely. It’s better to spend some time coping with a breakup and recovering, seizing the opportunity to start afresh, than to condemn yourself to an unhealthy partnership.
4.”I Don’t Deserve Better.”
Stop believing that love, care, and respect need to be earned. People who are dear to you are unlikely to stay with you for so many years just because you earned something from them. Rather, you are bound by common goals and values, blood ties, interests, hobbies, and so on. Work on your self-esteem: if you don’t respect yourself, you may stay in relationships where you are neglected for a long time. You deserve reciprocity, and if you’re not getting it, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. More likely, the girl doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about her.
5.”Relationships Are All I Have.”
If relationships are all you have, you urgently need to start working on your life. It’s too naive to believe that another person and your relationship with them can make you happy. Your well-being is entirely your responsibility. So take control and finally start acquiring the necessary knowledge and skills, building your career, trying new hobbies, taking care of your health, nurturing friendships, and improving communication with family. The sooner you do this, the easier it will be for you to let go of relationships that don’t bring anything good into your life.
6.”I Won’t Make It Alone.”
Getting used to being in a relationship and sharing all your troubles and experiences fifty-fifty, you may forget what it’s like to be alone. It’s important to remind yourself that you managed just fine before meeting the girl. And when you needed help, you could always ask your family, relatives, friends, or acquaintances. You won’t be left alone if you decide to end the relationship. Yes, it will be difficult to get used to not spending most of your time with someone, but ultimately, any significant changes in life bring temporary discomfort.
7.”Things Will Get Better Over Time.”
It’s a mistake to hope and believe that with time, your relationship will suddenly make you happy. If it hasn’t happened yet, and the girl only promises you changes but shows no effort to back up her words with actions, it’s time to make a choice for yourself. Stop waiting all the time—sometimes it’s more humane to allow a person to do whatever they think is necessary, but without your presence in their life anymore.
8.”All Relationships Require Sacrifice.”
Ideally, relationships shouldn’t bring you discomfort. In reality, of course, you may have to endure tough times and face challenges, but that’s normal. It’s normal until your suffering turns into endless anxiety, stress, and compromises that aren’t beneficial to you. Relationships should be based not on mutual sacrifices but on mutual understanding, shared growth, and a desire to make each other happier.
9.”I’ve Invested Too Much Time/Effort/Money in These Relationships.”
Feeling like you’ve poured a colossal amount of resources into a relationship can seem like a compelling reason to stay with someone, even if it doesn’t bring happiness. But try to look at the situation from another angle: consider how much more time and effort you’ll have to spend if you don’t make the decision to part ways. And if this reason is the only thing holding you back, it means your couple has tried many times to improve the relationship. Remember how much effort you put into getting an education or landing your first job – you wouldn’t let significant investments stop you from making changes in your life.
10.”Being with Someone Else Will Also Be Hard.”
Of course, no one can guarantee that you’ll definitely be able to build strong and harmonious relationships with the next person. But that’s a very poor reason to continue being in an unhealthy union. If you’ve been unable to feel happy for a long time, if you’re dragging yourself through the relationship, acting against your own interests by offering to compromise, then it’s still worth a try. You can learn from all the mistakes you made in past relationships and try not to repeat them in new ones. In any case, it’s better to try than to refuse to take the risk and spend your whole life wondering how your life could have changed.
