There’s nothing wrong with getting together with friends and talking about relationships.
However, not everyone is capable of giving valuable advice when it comes to such a personal and delicate topic. There are a few categories of people with whom you shouldn’t discuss your girlfriend or the problems that arise between you.
Those who are bitter about their exes and relationships in general
People who have been in toxic relationships, gone through difficult breakups, or can’t seem to find a partner may be bitter about their circumstances. The same emotions are felt by those who are disappointed in or hold negative feelings toward their exes. Asking them for advice is like signing a sentence to your own peace of mind and hopes. Their advice will be full of negativity and include warnings that may not even be relevant. You likely have at least one friend in your circle who believes all women are flighty, prone to cheating, and untrustworthy. You definitely shouldn’t ask them for relationship advice unless you want to feel disappointed or spend hours listening to cynical remarks about your girlfriend and what’s happening between you.
People focused on appearances
Often, people who are solely focused on the attractiveness of the girls they date give truly foolish advice, especially if your significant other doesn’t meet their beauty standards. Trust me, those who don’t care about a person’s qualities or other important aspects of a relationship aren’t worth listening to. Their approach to relationships is selfish and fundamentally wrong. Beauty is subjective and conditional, and a person’s appearance is never enough to build a strong and lasting connection with them. Don’t trust the opinions of those who look for nothing but a pretty face and figure in women and advise you to do the same.
Those who see relationships as a game
Relationships can only be a game if you’re not looking for anything serious. But if you want to build a long-term connection, it’s time to abandon this perspective and stop asking for advice from those who hold it. They will suggest treating dating as a pre-rehearsed performance rather than as time spent with someone you’re genuinely interested in. For every person who says, “Tell her a joke, even if it’s not funny,” there’s someone else who will say, “Laugh at the jokes, even if you don’t find them funny.” But this kind of pretense won’t help you build a strong and trusting connection. There’s a big difference between trying to be your best self and pretending to be someone else just to start a relationship. Don’t keep doing things that make you uncomfortable, even if you like the girl and hear such advice from good friends. The person who genuinely loves you will accept you for who you are.
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Those Who Refer to “Perfect Relationships”
There are people who are happy in their relationships and, therefore, see themselves as a source of wisdom. They’ll give advice based on their own experience, considering it the only correct way. However, what worked in their relationship may not suit you. Often, their advice and stories about what an “ideal” partnership should look like can be genuinely destructive. You might unintentionally compare your relationship to theirs and feel disappointed, starting to doubt your own choices. You’ll experience similar feelings when asking for advice from those who constantly refer to “perfect relationships,” meaning a model they’ve created in their heads. Their advice may be unrealistic, yet still sound convincing. This can harm your own normal, albeit imperfect, relationship.
People Who Have Never Been in a Relationship
If you’ve never changed brake pads on a car, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to give good advice on how to do it. The same rule applies to relationships. People who have never been in one are unlikely to provide any valuable insights. Sure, they’ve observed the marriages and breakups of friends, but that’s not enough. Without having experienced dating, relationship challenges, or breakups themselves, they probably won’t be able to tell you how to handle certain situations. They may have an understanding of the problems, but they’ve never experienced the emotions that come with them. This means they can grasp what’s happening in your life, but only superficially — on the level of facts, not feelings.
Your Ex
Asking your ex for relationship advice is a terrible idea, if only because your relationship with them didn’t work out. Sure, you can learn valuable lessons from a breakup, but it’s better to do so in your own mind rather than by reconnecting with the person who went through it with you. Plus, it’s not uncommon for exes to intentionally try to harm your new relationship, so under the guise of wisdom and a desire to help, they might give advice that’s bound to cause problems.
People on Internet Forums
Bringing your problems to the internet is also not the best idea. Even forums dedicated to love, relationships, and other sensitive topics are full of people who just want to mock someone or ruin a stranger’s life from behind a screen. Trust me, there are plenty of people online who get a kick out of someone else’s misfortune. Confiding your secrets to them and getting upset by their comments will not only fail to solve your problem but also ruin your mood. Some advice on the internet can even harm your self-esteem or destroy your relationship — why would you want that? Not to mention, after reading the opinions of online strangers, you might lose faith in humanity and in your own chances for happiness. So, don’t trust their advice, even if it seems convincing. If you need to talk to someone about your relationship but don’t want to involve your friends, it’s better to consult a psychologist than an online community.
