Between work stress, family problems, and the realities of life, it’s easy to feel like the world is weighing on your shoulders.
Some stressors we face daily are inevitable, but others we impose on ourselves—like when we try too hard to make others happy at the expense of our own needs. However, it’s important to learn to separate real responsibility from the burdens we needlessly take on. Here’s what you should stop trying to take responsibility for, even if it feels like you should or others tell you so.
The Happiness, Sadness, and Other Emotions of Others
You are not responsible for the emotions of others — how they react to news or events, communicate, or perceive others. You can’t control or dictate how someone should feel in a given situation. Of course, your behavior and actions can influence others’ emotions — think of how a person’s face lights up with praise or dims with criticism. But how they interpret the world around them is their responsibility, not yours. It’s important to distinguish between trying to make someone’s day better and an obsessive need to make everyone around you happy. People can feel sad, disappointed, or irritated, but their emotions should not compel you to reshape your life to suit their needs or place their happiness above your own. Yes, we can hurt others, whether intentionally or not. And when it comes to releasing yourself from responsibility for their feelings, it doesn’t mean being cold or indifferent to others. But don’t fall into the trap of sacrificing yourself simply because you feel obligated to someone. Don’t neglect what matters to you for the sake of someone else’s well-being — otherwise, neither you nor the person you’re trying to help will be truly happy.
The Decisions of Others
It can be difficult to watch loved ones make decisions that harm them. You may feel the urge to offer valuable advice, guide them down the right path, or convince them their choices are wrong. Unfortunately, our intervention doesn’t always benefit others, and not everyone you know needs saving. Here are a few reasons why other people’s decisions shouldn’t be your responsibility. First, you can’t change another person, no matter how hard you try. They are a fully formed individual with their own character, habits, and principles. Unless they want to change something in their life, no amount of external motivation, persuasion, blackmail, or pleading will bring positive results. Sure, it can be a good push, but ultimately, you can’t fully take responsibility for others’ actions. Second, by taking responsibility for another person’s life, you neglect your own. You can become so absorbed in their problems that you fail to notice how your own life and mental state are deteriorating. Third, those who give advice or try to make decisions for others often end up being scapegoats. People shift responsibility for their lives onto others only to later blame them for failures or missed opportunities. Do you want to be the one taking the hit and absorbing someone else’s negativity? Probably not.
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The Outcome of Your Efforts
We often set ourselves the goal of achieving some ideal result, which is actually an overly high standard. But the outcome we eventually reach isn’t always influenced solely by our skills, motivation, or hard work — external factors play a role too. Sometimes a nearly achieved goal drifts away due to unexpected setbacks or seems like a bad decision due to changing circumstances. For example, you might work hard all month, but the company experiences significant losses, and as a result, you don’t get a bonus. Is that outcome your responsibility? No, because you can’t control the budget and revenue of a large enterprise or the unforeseen crises that arise. Instead of focusing on an ideal result, it’s essential to concentrate on the effort you put in. What you do won’t be wasted, at least because it builds perseverance, resilience, and other useful skills.
The Expectations of Others and Society
It might feel like we’re obliged to meet the expectations of family, friends, or society, but that’s not the case. For example, if someone expects you to call them every day, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to do so against your own wishes and capabilities. These expectations are often unfair: take the phrase “Men don’t cry,” which has caused millions of boys worldwide to suppress their emotions and later struggle with mental health issues. It’s important to remember that even if someone has expectations about who you should be or how you should act, you are not required to live up to them. The thoughts and desires of others are their responsibility, not yours. In the end, there can be so many expectations — often contradictory — that it’s impossible to meet them all. What matters most is striving to be a good person in your own understanding, not trying to be convenient for everyone around you.
