We experience incredible, unmatched pleasure when spending time with the girl we’re in love with.
However, between busy schedules and maintaining a sense of independence, it’s easy to wonder: are we spending enough hours together each week, or are we seeing each other so often that it could harm the relationship? There is no universal answer to how often you should see your girlfriend if you live separately. However, there are a few things to consider in order to answer this and determine if you’re on the right track.
What stage is your relationship at?
The frequency with which you meet your girlfriend can depend on what stage of the relationship you’re in.
New relationships
In a new relationship, you’ll likely want to spend as much time as possible together to get to know each other better and build closeness. During this phase, it’s important to meet fairly often — at least once or twice a week — to nurture the budding feelings and develop trust.
Established relationships
Once the initial romantic spark and intense passion settle in an established relationship, the challenge is to prevent that spark from fading. Meeting too frequently at this stage might give the impression that you’re so desperate for your partner that you want to cling to her no matter what. If you’ve been together for more than five months, it’s usually better to plan less frequent, but more engaging and interesting dates. For example, meeting once or twice every two weeks.
Serious relationships
In a serious relationship, where your attraction to each other has deepened, it’s a good idea to see each other more often. It’s important not only to have fun together but also to dedicate time to meaningful conversations, planning the future, and sexual intimacy. During this period, you might start considering living together and taking steps toward that.
What’s the distance between you?
Another way to answer the question of how often you should meet your girlfriend is to consider the distance. It can be a key factor in how your relationship develops.
If you’re far from each other
If thousands of kilometers separate you, it will be quite difficult to give each other attention every week. To make a long-distance relationship work, it’s worth visiting each other every two to three months, and staying connected through video and phone calls in between. You might also want to plan a vacation together or visit one another during holidays.
If you live in the same city
If the distance between you and your girlfriend is short, choose a meeting frequency that feels comfortable for both of you. You don’t need to spend every day together, but seeing each other too rarely isn’t ideal either.
What is your girlfriend’s attachment style?
Your girlfriend’s attachment style is also a determining factor in how often she might want to see you. Let’s break it down:
Anxious attachment
If your girlfriend has an anxious attachment style, she will want to see you very often. She needs plenty of reassurance of your feelings and lots of time spent alone with you. So try to be with her as often as you can, but be careful not to fall into codependency or lose yourself in the relationship.
Avoidant attachment
Girls with an avoidant attachment style don’t like frequent meetings. They appreciate attention and time spent together, but in limited amounts. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you or is looking for someone else. She just doesn’t have the internal resources to be with you 24/7 or constantly express her feelings.
The state of your relationship
How often you need to meet your girlfriend largely depends on the state of your relationship.
When everything is going well
If there’s harmony and happiness between you, even when you’re not physically together every day, you’ll feel that everything is okay. Because of this, your meetings can be quite infrequent, but still enjoyable and full of meaning.
When you feel there are problems in the relationship
If there are issues in the relationship, it’s time to dedicate as much time to each other as possible. It’s important to be close and figure out what’s going on. If you distance yourself in the hope that things will fix themselves, you might lose the relationship altogether, pushing it to the point of no return.
Personal commitments
People have their own personal projects that demand attention. This is also an important aspect to consider when determining how often you should meet your girlfriend.
If she’s free
If neither you nor your girlfriend are burdened with major urgent tasks or packed schedules, you can meet as often as you both desire.
If she’s overwhelmed
It’s important to be mindful of the fact that sometimes it’s necessary to meet less often so that she has enough time to pursue her own goals and ambitions. Pay attention to this and be patient if you want to build a strong and lasting connection. Once she resolves her challenges, she’ll be able to dedicate more time to you, bringing warmth, peace, and serenity.
Remember, you might also need some space to deal with life’s difficulties. Be mature enough to realize that this doesn’t mean your feelings are fading — in fact, by stepping back temporarily and allowing each other time for personal projects, you’re showing true love, support, and care.
