Excitement and nervousness before a first date can lead to actions that unintentionally ruin your chances of a second one. Sometimes it’s nerves, but often it’s simply not realizing that certain behaviors push people away. Let’s break down five common mistakes that might be costing you that second date.
1. You Wait Too Long to Ask Her Out
Hesitation can get in the way of a second date before the first one even happens. Let’s say you met a woman through friends and are waiting for the “perfect moment” to ask her out, thinking it might make you seem more desirable. But waiting too long can confuse her and ruin her impression of you. She might think you’re not actually interested and that your initial flirting was just a joke. Or, while you’re waiting, she might start seeing someone else. Instead of holding out for an ideal moment, gather your courage and ask her out when you think of it. Waiting too long might make you seem indecisive or insecure, and if she only agrees to meet out of politeness, a second date is unlikely.
2. You Set a Fixed Time
If you want to meet her on a Friday night, you might text, “Hey, are you free at 7? I’m going to a cool show and would love for you to join.” She replies, “Thanks, but maybe another time,” and that’s the end of it. Assuming she isn’t interested is a mistake — she may already have plans she can’t break, even if you’re her ideal guy. It’s better to suggest a date without setting an exact time, like saying, “I’d love to hang out — let me know when you’re free.” This shows respect for her schedule and allows you to find a mutually convenient time.
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3. You Insist on Driving Her Home
If you had a great evening and she reaches for her phone to call a taxi, offering to drive her home might seem polite. But if she declines and you keep insisting, it can backfire. She may not feel comfortable letting someone she barely knows know where she lives. Respect her wishes instead of pushing, as this could make you seem overly controlling or even a bit intimidating. A good compromise? Offer to walk her to her taxi, note the car number for safety, and kindly ask her to let you know once she’s home.
4. You Insist on Paying the Entire Bill
It’s often customary for men to pay the bill, but some women feel uncomfortable with this, worried it may come with strings attached. If she insists on paying her portion, accept it without protest. Avoid reassuring her that you have no expectations or emphasizing that “a man should always pay” — that could increase her discomfort. Better to accept a split bill gracefully, which can leave a much better impression.
5. You Complain About Things
Maybe the date didn’t go perfectly — the restaurant wasn’t as good as expected, or it started raining during your walk. Complaining about minor inconveniences, however, can be a sure way to make a bad impression. Grumbling about small issues can come across as weak or arrogant, and no one likes negativity, least of all someone you’re trying to impress on a first date.
