When someone tries to undermine your authority, it’s easy to get angry or upset. However, reacting emotionally in such a situation is like validating the other person’s words. There are better ways to show that their behavior is unacceptable while maintaining your dignity and presenting yourself as a mature, reasonable, and confident person.
Stay Calm
Staying calm is fifty percent of the battle when someone tries to undermine your authority. It makes others doubt their ability to provoke you or get the reaction they’re seeking. Plus, anger can lead to impulsive actions that you may later regret. Instead of getting upset and responding immediately to negative comments, take a step back and give yourself time to cool off and collect your thoughts.
Address the Person and Acknowledge What Happened
Deal with the situation directly with the person who created it. Don’t let it escalate into passive-aggressive behavior, revenge, or arrogance. Approach the person who tried to undermine your authority and acknowledge that you’re aware of their intentions. Speak concisely and clearly: “I noticed that you contradicted me in the conversation and implied that my opinion doesn’t matter. Why?” Most people who aim to disrupt others’ lives feel uncomfortable in such moments. This may prompt them to reconsider their approach to communication and avoid repeating such actions, possibly even leading to an apology.
Don’t Take It Personally
Often, attempts to undermine someone’s authority stem from the other person’s insecurities. Their words and actions may feel like an attack, but it could simply be unhealthy social behavior that they’re projecting, without even realizing it. They’re trying to boost their self-esteem at your expense because they don’t like or believe in themselves enough. That’s why you shouldn’t take their attacks to heart. Remember, other people’s actions always say more about them than they do about you.
Set Clear Boundaries
Define and establish clear boundaries to let the person know you won’t allow anyone to undermine your authority. You might say, “In the future, I would appreciate it if you could express your concerns to me privately instead of doing so in front of the entire team.” If the person continues to cross those boundaries, remind them that their behavior is unacceptable. Also, have a backup plan in place to help you stay composed and quickly resolve the situation if it happens again.
Use Facts to Defend Yourself
People who try to undermine our authority aim to provoke an emotional reaction. Therefore, when defending yourself, speak in facts, not feelings. First, this shows the attacker that their plan has failed and that their words didn’t affect you emotionally. Second, objective evidence carries more weight than trying to convince others based on your word alone. Furthermore, if someone regularly tries to undermine your authority but you counter them with facts, those around you will notice. Their trust won’t be lost in you but in the person attacking you.
Document Incidents
If a colleague is threatening your authority, document each incident, noting the time, place, and any witnesses. This will be useful if the situation escalates or if management approaches you regarding the person’s behavior.
Speak Up Publicly When Necessary
While it’s best to resolve conflicts between two people privately, in some cases this may not work, and you’ll need to speak up publicly. If someone tries to undermine your authority in a group of friends or colleagues, address it immediately. Don’t let their false statements stand unchecked or seem truthful. Correct the person tactfully without getting confrontational. If you don’t, others might perceive their words as true, making it much harder to rebuild your reputation later.
Bring the Other Person’s Motives to Light
The tricky part about comments that undermine your authority is that they can sometimes come across as advice or simple statements. To show the other person that you understand their real motives, you need to bring those motives to the surface. Here’s a simple scenario that’s a good example of how to handle someone trying to undermine you and make you doubt yourself:
-“You realize it’s 30 degrees out today?”
-“Yes, it’s a hot day. Why do you ask?”
-“You’re wearing a long-sleeve shirt.”
-“So? Is there something wrong with wearing long sleeves on a hot day?”
By responding this way, you’re showing that you’ve picked up on their intentions and putting them in an uncomfortable position. Essentially, you’re implying, “Why are you criticizing me?” without saying it directly. Now they’ll either have to come up with an excuse or admit they were trying to judge or undermine you, and then back off. If they retreat, congratulations — you’ve won. If they persist, keep pressing them until they feel so uncomfortable that they either try to end the conversation or change the subject.
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Escalate the Problem to a Higher Level
If the person continues to undermine your authority and refuses to change their behavior, it may be time to escalate the issue. For example, discuss with your boss how your colleague has been overstepping, but make sure to bring evidence of their inappropriate behavior. However, this should only be done after you’ve tried to handle the situation yourself to avoid undermining your own authority in the eyes of management.
