After a breakup, it can be challenging to know the best approach: whether to keep your distance from your ex as much as possible or to try staying friends. If you’re hurting and the breakup is recent, following the “No Contact” rule is often the healthiest path forward. Let’s explore what this rule involves and why it’s worth adhering to.
What the “No Contact” Rule Entails
When you break up, you need to sever all ties with your ex. This means no calling, texting, meeting up, or even checking their social media to see how they’re doing. The purpose of this rule isn’t to make your ex miss you or to cause them pain. Rather, the “No Contact” rule is intended to help you restructure your life, heal emotionally and physically, and navigate this difficult time without adding more stress or pain. Along with stopping direct contact, try to limit conversations about your ex with mutual friends, especially if they tend to bring her up. This is a temporary measure; you don’t need to end friendships, but limiting these interactions for a while can be helpful.
Why the Rule Works
Regardless of how long you dated or how amicable the breakup was, ending a relationship brings pain and a flood of confusing emotions. You may feel free yet sad, optimistic yet suddenly filled with sadness, hopelessness, or anxiety. These emotions are natural, as are memories of the relationship. Going “No Contact” gives you the space to work through these feelings. Ultimately, this can help you heal, accept that the relationship is over, and be ready to date again when the time is right. Following this rule can also prevent you from returning to the relationship, which is beneficial if you left a toxic situation or realize you’re simply not compatible. By cutting off contact, you avoid falling back into the relationship, which could lead to more pain and disappointment.
When Is It Okay to Reconnect?
There’s no set time before reconnecting, as every breakup is different. You may find that you no longer feel the need to reach out and even delete their contact information. Or, you may value her as a friend and wish to keep in touch occasionally. A good timeframe for “No Contact” is usually three to six months, which is often enough to process the breakup and heal emotionally. However, consider not only the days that have passed but also your feelings. Ask yourself: Do you still have feelings for her? If your answer is “yes,” give it more time before resuming contact. If it’s “no,” consider why you want to reconnect. Perhaps you just want to ease awkwardness among mutual friends or rekindle a friendly relationship. In this case, you can gradually reintroduce contact. There’s one exception: if your relationship was toxic or hurtful, it’s best not to reach out at all. Sometimes people return to our lives only to bring back the same pain, criticism, or inappropriate behavior.
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What to Do When You’re Tempted to Break “No Contact”
Imagine you’ve cut off contact with your ex, but you keep catching yourself wanting to reach out. It can be hard to resist the urge to text or call her, especially when you feel lonely or nostalgic. Or, you might find yourself reaching for your phone or computer to check her social media feed to see what she’s posting. To counteract these urges and keep yourself on track with your healing, engage in other productive activities.
Keep a Journal
Pour your feelings onto paper when emotions are high, and you feel the temptation to reach out. Writing down your thoughts can help calm you and allow you to understand why the breakup is causing you so much worry or pain.
Spend Time with Friends
Reach out to friends who aren’t in your shared circle with your ex, or confide in trusted family members. Ask to spend time together or chat more often. The more time you spend with others, the less likely you are to feel lonely — and therefore tempted to call your ex. Social connections are one of the best ways to handle stress and find joy, especially during tough times.
Pursue Hobbies
The post-breakup period is a great time to start investing in yourself. Figure out what you enjoy or discover a new hobby to dive into. Hobbies build confidence and provide positive emotions, making them a far better source of fulfillment than reaching out to an ex.
Keep Your Phone Out of Reach
We often scroll social media out of boredom, but this can become a trigger to break “No Contact.” If possible, keep your phone away when you’re bored. And if you don’t know what to do instead, reread this article!
